Navigating the New Norm

Seriously, this isn't the life I imagined. Marriage, motherhood and then...starting over? Those were not the chapters I thought I would be writing. But here I am standing at a new beginning - not broken but becoming.

Separation is never easy. When you are trying to redefine your life outside of the relationship you thought would last forever it comes with its own layers. There is the cultural pressure, family judgement, silent inner battles and a strength that sometimes shocks even you.

Walking away from a relationship that no longer served me was not a selfish decision. It was a bold, necessary act of love - for myself and for my children. I want them to see what it looks like to set boundaries, to choose peace over performance, and to believe that joy is not something you settle for. Far too long, I played the role. I smiled through discomfort, prayed through disconnection, and tried to make it work for the sake of "keeping the family together" but what I realized is this..a broken home is not defined by separate addresses. It is defined by broken spirits, unspoken resentment, and a lack of love - and I refused to model that as normal for my children.

Co-Parenting adds another layer of complexity, but it is also an opportunity to prioritize the children, to model respect even when it is hard, and to communicate with clarity over conflict. It is not perfect and some days are harder than others, but every decision I make now is rooted in peace, not pettiness. My children deserve to see grown ups act grown.

When starting over, it becomes more than just logistics, it is extremely emotional. It's lonely some days and it is liberating on others. It is the loneliness that hits after bedtime. The sting of feeling like everyone else's family is intact while yours is in transition. The way memories suddenly become bittersweet - and the song that used to make you smile now breaks your heart. I am currently unlearning survival mode and leaning into self compassion. I am learning that it is okay not to have all the answers, to cry when the children go to bed and to ask for help without guilt because the mom guilt is heavy enough.

If you have ever had to explain why things are different now. If you have ever cried yourself to sleep wondering if you are ruining their childhood. If you have worried will they be okay and will they blame me? Then you know the mom guilt I am talking about. Mom guilt is real and it can weigh you down. But what I have come to understand is that my children don't need a perfect family they need a healthy mom. They need to see me whole, not holding it together with invisible thread. They need to see what self respect looks like and hopefully one day they will understand not just the decision I made, but the strength it took to make it. I want them to know that love is not supposed to hurt. That boundaries are healthy. That happiness is not optional. Lastly, that mommy did not leave because she gave up, she left because she woke up. They will know that starting over is not failure. It is choosing to rewrite the story.

If you are in the middle of your own separation, questioning everything and feeling like the world is watching - you are not alone. You are not a failure.

You are growing while at the same time grieving and reclaiming yourself - that takes courage.

Today, I'm still learning. I won't pretend I have it all figured it out. Some days I feel strong and other days I feel like I'm just surviving. I'm still growing and I am healing, but I am doing it loud with my head held high and my spirit open. If you are doing the same, Sis I see you and I am rooting for you. I am walking this thing out with you - one classy and courageous step at a time.