Motherhood Rewritten

There is a particular kind of heartbreak in learning your body can no longer do something it was once expected to do. Especially when that thing is bringing forth life. It messes with your identity, your femininity and your sense of control. Then there is a silence that comes after the doctor says, "You won't be able to have anymore children." It's not just quiet - it's the kind of silence that settles into your bones, into your prayers and into your future plans. A silence that leaves you blinking in the doctor's office trying to process what was just taken from you - not physically but emotionally and spiritually.

For many African American woman that silence is even heavier because we carry a history of our bodies being overlooked, misunderstood, or worse... dismissed. No one really prepares you for the grief that comes from not being able to carry another child. It is not the kind of grief people bring casserole dishes for. It's quiet and seemingly invisible. Sometimes the people closest to you don't even know what to say.

If you are reading this and your motherhood journey was changed or cut short because of fibroids, PCOS, a hysterectomy, endometriosis, cancer, or any other health issue - know this. You are still whole. You are still a mother. You are still worthy of love and healing. You might already have children and still feel that ache for the baby you'll never hold. Maybe you never got the chance at all - and now you're carrying dreams that will never grow into a heartbeat.

Let me say it loud for the folks in the nosebleed section: You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to cry over what never came. You are allowed to mourn even if others think you should be "grateful" for what you already have. This grief and all related feelings do not make you ungrateful - it makes you human.

So many of us were ignored when we first said, "Something feels off." our pain was downplayed. Our options were limited. By the time someone finally took us seriously after a second and maybe even a third opinion we were left with the kinds of choices no woman wants to make; surgeries, permanent decisions or irreversible outcomes.

Sis, I want you to know that your motherhood is not defined by your ability to give birth again or at all, rather by your love and nurturing spirit. The way you show up. The way you pour into others selflessly even when your own cup is cracked and leaking. I won't lead you astray by telling you the coping process is easy because it isn't, but that is okay. Some days you'll feel peace. Other days you will feel robbed. Then on one random Tuesday when a pregnacy announcement pops up on your feed you might feel it all over again and that's okay. You are not broken, you are healing.

So the question becomes how do you navigate this space, well, you surround yourself with people who get it. Therapy and Journaling are great outlets for a feelings dump. Healing doesn't mean forgetting what you lost. It means learning to live, fully, even with the scar.

If you are in need of recommendations for therapy be sure to click on our "Embracing Motherhood" tab here at thatclassymom.com and you will find some great resources that will direct you to some of the most amazing therapists.

Be encouraged Sis, you are not less of a woman because your body changed. You are not less of a mother because your journey looks different. And you are not less of ANYTHING because life threw you a curveball you never saw coming. We honor every chapter of motherhood. The ones written in tears, the ones that have been rewritten and even the ones we never got to finish.