Losing to Win

Once Upon a time a girl met a guy. He was fly, she was cute and they developed an interesting kind of love for each other that was hard to explain, but if you knew- you knew. They began to spend every moment they could with each other. She thought this man would be her covering and together they would help to change the game for relationships. She had serious relationship goals. This is where that age old advice of being "equally yolked" comes in to play. I had always looked at that phrase from a spiritual perspective, but in all actuality it encompasses more than just a spiritual connection. When you are "unequally yolked" with a person you tend to differ in beliefs, or values which often leads to many disagreements and a very challenging time trying to work together.

Fast forward to them getting married and having children. It was't long before the things that once seemed so simple all of a sudden became so difficult. What were once civilized conversations became shouting matches and a never ending game of "Who's on First?" Questions began to flood in from the children merely trying to understand the dynamics of what was going on behind closed doors when they were sent to play in another room.

The mental gymnastics, and non-stop emotional roller coaster eventually became unbearable. Then one day she woke up, she looked in the mirror, she found herself and she walked away.

She walked away because she could no longer stand to cry tears enough to fill up a bucket. She walked away because she had finally realized that no amount of apologizes could make up for the things she had so gracefully endured through the years. She came to the undeniable truth that she no longer wanted to be loved the way he chose to love her.

It wasn't one particular thing, but more so just growing in different directions.

From some, the advice became, you should do this and you need to do that, and while all of those suggestions sounded quite plausible, all she wanted was to be free. Free from the pain that a broken heart bears, free from caring about the opinions of others, the laughs and the stares. Free from feeling burdened by what was thought to work, but now doesn't. Free from the shame and guilt of staying in something that was no longer serving her as she had her reasons about why she stayed so long. She walked away from a situation that was literally "killing her softly".

Walking away wasn't easy as there were a myriad of thoughts running through her mind regarding the children, how would they think and feel? How would she take care of them financially? How would she deal with trying to come up with suitable answers to the questions of "Where's Daddy" when all she really wanted to give was an answer that stemmed from her scarred soul and the bitter taste he left in her mouth. But she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to defame his name as she and the children packed their belongings to move and begin a new chapter. She couldn't bad mouth him in the presence of her children because at the end of the day she still wanted them to have the utmost respect although she had lost hers for him in that moment. In true "Classy Mom" fashion she remained silent. Silent during his broken promises and silent during the lies, silent during the abandoned days and no call nightly cries. She remained silent but stood strong in the face of adversity and transition because what other choice did she have?

This story resonates with so many Single Moms right now who seemingly have joined a club they had no intentions of becoming members of. Mothers who are out there working multiple jobs just to stay afloat. Working tirelessly in one form or another to not only play their part, but to also fill in the gaps and it's HARD. Trying to determine whats best for their children and check all the boxes simultaneously as you try to heal. Wearing the "I'm OK" T-Shirt while making dinner, giving baths and reading bedtime stories just to lay alone and wonder how did you get there, when will the pain end and if you’ll ever love again. Scrolling past event invitations that have been sent because although you are genuinely happy for the respective parties and their special moments, it's difficult to celebrate someone else’s win when you feel like you have lost.

If this is you, or someone you know, I want to encourage every Mama reading this post to stand tall and keep going! When it feels like you want to give up, keep going. On the hard days, when you come outside to a flat tire on the way to drop the kids off and you can't find your phone. Keep Going! When your youngest heartbeat reminds you at the last minute that it's your turn to bring snacks for their class and you have $20 left in your account until your next pay day. Keep Going! When you look in your freezer with very limited options and wonder how you will make it as you are fighting to hold back tears in front of hungry mouths. Mama, take a deep breath and keep going!

Why do I say keep going? Because praise confuses the enemy and we can't let the devil succeed. It's easy to just stop and break down, but remember you have eyes watching how you handle everything, your children are watching not only the struggle, but also how you handle it. It's ok to take a moment to scream, cry or do what you need to do to release…just don’t stay there. Stand tall Sis, roll up your sleeves and know that you are stronger than you think. Those babies have an AMAZING example of what resilience looks like right there in you. You are a superstar! This season may be a setback, and may in fact feel like a loss, but every great person in history had to fail before they were in position to succeed. In archery, the arrow has to be pulled back in order for it to launch ahead to hit the mark. You have to be steadfast and trust that in God's time the love specifically designed for you will find you and all of the drama, the issues and the heartache will be a thing of the past. The person that is custom made for you will love you in your love language and beyond. Your children will grow up knowing first hand what strength and determination looks like, while at the same time understanding the struggle and respecting the hustle. So consider this loss merely a setup for your big WIN! You have cried and worried long enough, now it's time to walk into your winning season!