A Mother's Love

Motherhood transcends all ages - it is universal. It doesn't expire and it's not something you grow out of. I remember sitting one day and I watched as a 92 year old mother who flew hundreds of miles, slowly walked with her cane to the bedside of her 72 year old daughter who was dying of Stage 4 Cancer and a rare Blood Disease.

The doctors had just gave her the news earlier in the day that it was time to call in hospice. While others didn't seem to have the right words and some had somber faces with tears, this mother found the strength to smile and just hold her baby's hand. The daughter who could hardly speak as this illness had taken over her body was surprised yet relieved that her mother was there at her bedside. She asked, "Mom, what are you doing here?" The mother replied, "I had to come see about my baby". She had spoken to her daughter briefly a few days prior and I guess it was her "Mother's Intuition" that kicked in because she got her flight booked and was at the bedside of her adult child without delay.

I sat in awe from the other side of the room. I marveled at how strong this mother was. Knowing she was about to lose her child, she still sat calm, quiet, poised and with grace. She sat, and she prayed. Then the most powerful moment came when her daughter took her last breath. Where I was filled with tears at the loss of such a beautiful soul she breathed the most peaceful breath in that moment as if to say "It was well with her soul." She kissed her daughter on the forehead and she sat back in the chair as family calls were made and we awaited the arrival of the undertaker. She was a spiritual woman so I imagine it had something to do with her unshakeable faith and trust in her higher power that kept her in such a serene space.

It was at that moment I wondered which was worse, losing a child unexpectedly or the long process of a sick child and having the opportunity to prepare for the inevitable. My conclusion was that they both seem to hurt just as bad. While I have personally never lost a child in that way, I have heard stories and read news articles of the countless children that have died at the misdirection of a stray bullet, stillborn, miscarriage, sickness and horrible accidents. The one thing that I have found to be the common denominator in all of the stories is the unbearable pain that comes with losing a child. While the world may judge a person by skin color, crimes committed, financial status and political affiliation....to a mother, that's just her baby.

When they are gone, a piece of her goes with them. Some say to think of the memories and remember the good times. While that may be helpful, it still doesn't change the scar left on your heart when their birthday comes around or when you see other mothers celebrating milestone moments and you think of how that would have been your child. Sometimes you get angry trying to make sense of what you felt was taken from you. It becomes a process to make peace with the reality that they are gone and each day proves to be different. Some days you may have happy times and then there will be days that are much harder than others and you find yourself breaking down at old pictures, videos or some stuffed animal that you kept as a keepsake. I want to encourage you to know that whatever each day looks like, It's OK. I've learned it's ok and necessary to feel what you need to feel unapologetically. It is an essential part of the healing process. I pray much for all of the mothers who have lost a child at any stage of life. I stand in the gap for you with positive vibes of comfort and healing as you march on to carry out the calling on your life while keeping your baby's memory alive.